#but to be able to reframe it like that... genuinely impressed

[13eyond13]

I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then

[merrilark]

i 'ship' sean x cale based solely on what you have posted about them and really only because when i do not know a great deal about them. i don't need to worry about it being an ic ship, i just get to enjoy the toxicity of it all. 'ship'? no. enjoy thinking about them with some gravitational something with and through each other? more than i enjoy the thought of sean & the other people in the poll

Yesss, yes, yes, you get it! Same!

Shipping, imo, purely by virtue of it literally deriving from relationship, does not always have to be romantic. Because... nah, that would not work. Sean would die before feeling anything but hatred for Cale LOL. Sometimes shipping can literally just be "I would like to smash these two characters together in whatever way I can because I think they have a fascinating dynamic and there is something tasty there to be explored".

But.

I do think that it's possible Cale could feel something for Sean. Love? Mmeh. Maybe? I personally like the idea of it being an obsession more than anything, something that isn't love, but as close to love as Cale can get.

This mostly comes from the fact that there are a lot of parallels between Sean and the horse trainer that Cale had a crush on as a child (and who became his first human victim). The whole reason Cale kills is because he's reenacting his first murder and trying to reframe it. Over and over and over again. But none of them seem to satisfy or intrigue Cale like Sean does, and in the finale, I don't believe that it's Katie who mirrors the first victim, it's Sean.

Through the film, Cale treats Katie like an animal. Likely imagining the young horse that he killed as a boy. The only time he doesn't is when he dresses her as the horse trainer when preparing to kill her, which is probably something he does ritualistically to all his victims who he successfully breaks. But Sean? He calls him by name and treats him like an equal worthy of conversation. He even literally praises Sean and says he's "worthy of playing in [his] sandbox". But most damning, I think, is that he makes Sean watch as he kills Katie, just like he made the trainer watch as he killed the horse. It's almost exactly the same scene.

There's also something to be said about Cale dying and perming his hair to look similar to Sean's at the end. What precisely, I don't know. But considering how obsessive he had become over his first victim, it makes me raise a brow.

Soooo I think Cale could develop an obsession if not an infatuation for Sean in the most twisted sense. Not because he actually loves Sean or genuinely finds him attractive, but because he impresses him, and the lines between Sean and his first victim have blurred so strongly that Cale can't always tell the difference. Maybe someone like Sean is what he needed all along to finally bring him peace from his first murder; he'd been killing symbolic "horses" for years, and now it's time he went after the symbolic "trainer".

As for Sean... well, obviously the feeling would not be mutual. But after everything that happened, I don't think he'd be able to escape thoughts of Cale. He'd be in the corner of his eye, in nightmares, in passing stranger's faces. And in that terrible way, I think Sean and Cale are inseparable. Whether they like it or not, they have become huge, inescapable parts of each other's lives, irreparably changed.

It just feels very classic hero/villain to me in a "[this version of] you would not exist without me" kinda way, and it scratches some angsty, whumpy itch in my brain that I really enjoy.

[2n2n]

Thoughts on Akane Aoi? (The guy)

When Akane first showed up, he was as negligible to me as Yamabuki Lemon or Kou's goons. It was funny there was this tryhard little SIMP in the corner, but he felt negligible, and I didn't imagine he'd become anything interesting…. but honestly, I thought that for Aoi, as well. She felt like just a filler character to take up space in the cast, to fill out our 'human' roster and play a narrative role in just being imperiled or something. Shenanigans. Pretty normal for shounen to have macguffins.

Clockkeepers wasn't my favorite arc, but it was like, "whoa, Akane is actually important?" … he wasn't just going to be a gag, his obsession and stalking of Aoi was now being properly framed and respected, filled out..?. It wasn't only played for laughs. And of all things, we were having our mains (Hana&Nene) pause to be jealous/admiring of his devotion?? Not what I expected-- suddenly Akane was maybe a window into the manga's vision of an ideal romantic….? That was interesting. What that meant for Aoi was interesting, too. The characters no longer existed in a void, but had trajectory, inevitable execution of some kind, good or bad. In a way Akane to me heralded the 'direction' of this manga moreso than Mitsuba did….. ssssstill is!

The full reveal of Akane being that he's entirely self-aware, admirably observant, really made his character 100x more interesting. Not just some clueless braindead SIMP, someone withstanding the hopelessness of seemingly constant rejection… nnno, it turns out Akane sticks around, doggedly, for a good reason. It being that Aoi is actually someone who pushes others away, looks down on them, feels displaced from sociality/society, feels incapable of being kind earnestly, and… Akane has observed that truth her whole life.... Aoi's rejection of Akane is as respectable as Hanako's rejection of Nene-- WHICH IS TO SAY, IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE RESPECTED!!! Hanako and Aoi reject love they want for the wrong reasons-- because they feel unsuited or undeserving, or unable to reciprocate. It's interesting to have Akane's pursuit reframed midway through… like, the 'impression' you get of it in Clockkeepers, is only half the story. Really interesting! Suddenly, Akane is very, very noble? Sticking it out with Aoi isn't being selfish, it IS looking out for HER, as much as Nene not letting Hanako run away and get murdered is looking out for HIM, too.

It's cool, to have Akane as this… dogged, unstoppable personality, to have the loyal devoted dog prove himself to be capable of aggression and insistence. He can't be shaken off… it's scary, and yet, it's necessary, for a case as extreme as Aoi. Anything less, and she'd be successfully alone, a human island. She'd just die alone, honestly…. so would Hanako!!! IN STORY, they literally BOTH simultaneously try to do just that!! At the far shore!

Akane's interesting! He's not a social pariah like Hanako, he's well-liked and happy to accommodate others. This image is always my favorite, for Akane and Aoi:

you can feel the dripping resentment Aoi feels, just like you can feel it from Hanako, when he watches Nene interact with anyone else warmly. It's so interesting, how similar to a kaii, Aoi is... 'outside of' the warm emotions of others... I think it's so interesting Akane is well-liked, probably has plenty of relationship options.... his devotion to Aoi doesn't come from isolation at all, he genuinely likes her grim core. That's cool of him.

Akane having it in him to be able to accurately and perfectly convey Aoi's entire complex, but it being something he never wanted to have to do…. amazing! I reread their confrontation a lot. I like that… Aoi really could stab Akane through the gut, he'd still love her. He's batshit, in the best way! There is NOTHING Aoi could do to shake him, and it's both terrifying, and, beautiful, because anything less than that would leave Aoi completely alone in the world. So, in some ways, they also remind me of Hanako/Tsukasa….

His dynamic with Teru is, in my opinion, Teru's most interesting social link, and Teru enables us to really see Akane's open heart in action. For the mostpart Akane's charm is more 'said, but not seen'-- according to Aoi he is very well-liked, has a lot of friends, does favors for everyone, is always inconvenienced by others due to his nature, but we don't see much of that firsthand, we just 'know' it's true. Buuuuut… Teru is…. incredibly abusive towards Akane, to the point of even being selfishly needy and demanding-- he will physically hurt or torture Akane until he answers his questions and plays nice with him.... Akane takes it... he grasps that Teru's life is complicated and hard (Akane hates kaii too, so of course he grasps Teru's role and burden).

Both of their personalities are expressed well with each other. The extent of Teru's cruelty.... and the extent of Akane's grace. I honestly have little to no interest in Teru's heart, but, I AM curious about where he's going to go, with Akane.

His relationship with Teru frankly makes Akane an angel. What's more he's the only person Teru can actually 'be himself' around…. this is, THE most sincere, emotionally moved Teru we have ever seen:

I'm sure deep down, Akane is actually Teru's most treasured friend. He's certainly Teru's confidant for things he can't say or express anywhere else, least of all to his family. Teru is chronically fake-nice and preserving a front. Akane is just… 'sigh. It has to be me, doesn't it….'… but he does do it, silently, preserving Teru's image. I think Akane's pure heart has the power to challenge Teru in some way, down the line... I hope we find Teru is weak to him in SOME WAY!!!

Akane is Teru's literal slave in the Ghost Hotel AU. lol. With that in mind I have no idea what's going to happen with them.

Akane actually has a rare quality that honestly only Hanako has, which tells you everything you need to know about juuuust how much it's AidaIro's 'thing'. Akane gets to have that…. air about him… Amane has…. at times….. I don't know how to quantify this….

whatever TF this quality is. This.... ooohhh boy.

he's not my boy but occasionally there is cause to pause for a moment on him. Like hmmmm.. I know AidaIro love you. You are granted some Vibes that are special!

Akane's absolutism regarding kaii is so fun. I like that Akane, overall, is admirable to Hanako, and considering Akane's possessive stalker qualities, INDEED, the boys ought to shake hands about the purpose of a fixation.

I think both Akane and Hanako have a big storm coming, so to speak. These belief systems about kaii, personhood, the inability to take back killing someone else……….. well, Akane is the one who personally threw Aoi down the well, landing her so far in the far shore that she could never come back. It was not Hanako or Hakubo who killed her, it was Akane. Aoi has been plucked from a mere boundary safely, before. So, I wonder how Akane's belief system will fare, with that? All that he said to Hanako, will now apply to himself. Akane gets to join Hanako in 'murdering the person you loved the most'! WOOHOO! I'm excited for him.

Really, I'm invested in every Akane plot thread. I didn't think that would be true at all, early manga, even with Clockkeepers! But the far shore stuff really did me in. He's a cool character with a lot going on.

[whiskeyjack]

I absolutely hear you on a lot of what you said about Rio’s development this season, but I don’t think the show is saying that Nick’s comment about Lucy’s murder is what we’re supposed to think about it. That’s just what Nick thinks, and considering the way they’ve portrayed him, I really don’t think we’re meant to agree with him. In fact I thought we were supposed to do the opposite. Why do you think the show itself is reframing what happened through him? I’m curious in your reading of that

(x)

you know? you make an excellent point. this one also got unintentionally REALLY long, so it is too, under the cut haha

-shout out to @jade-marie and @00gangfriend00, without them I don’t know how coherent this entire response would be haha

Alright, well firstly, I think it’s unfortunately clear that even some of the show’s writers don’t actually have a good grasp on the events leading up to Lucy’s death, both during s3 and now. It seems like depending on who is talking, and the timing of the discussion, the answer will shift. It is… really hard to speculate sometimes when the writers don’t even know the reason behind a scene. However, since it’s canon - whatever the reason or goal of the scene - I’m just going to go on my merry way and create/keep my own interpretation.

The more I thought about your ask, the more I realized, yeah, through Nick’s scripted words alone, they aren’t necessarily reframing what happened, since Nick does seem to be unaware of much of the entire sequence of events regarding Lucy: “So… you were just gunna, what, keep it to yourself?”. Assuming the diner scene with the cop was the first time he heard about it, his impression most likely wouldn’t be a fair representation of what actually happened. So, this is me eating my own words from before, so I apologize for using his quotes to reinforce my idea. This is simply my opinion, and it does regularly change quite a bit… I am wrong a lot haha

To some degree, I think reframing or shifting of some sort is kind of unavoidable when a show continues a plotline from a previous season, especially in addition to incorporating new characters into the past events. Nonetheless, I do think that the show is deliberately in fact reframing Lucy’s death and why it happened - through Rio’s backstory & POVs, Nick’s character development, and the show’s choice to show Rio having a lack of scars.

1. The backstory and Rio POVs

According to the backstory we’ve been given so far, Nick is this person who apparently is so deeply entrenched in Rio’s life and decision-making but he doesn’t know 1) that Rio killed someone, 2) the fact that Rio killed Lucy for Beth (as opposed to killing Annie, Ruby or Beth), and 3) why, which makes me wonder how exactly they are using Lucy’s death as a plotline in combination with Nick and Rio’s relationship. As I said in my previous post, I believe that the events leading up to and including Lucy’s death were heavily tied into if not directly a reaction to the shooting in 2.13.

According to this season, it seems Nick is Rio’s backstory, and Rio is Nick’s. So far, we’ve gotten approximately eight Rio POV scenes, separate from the girls, including flashbacks (excluding the Fitz kill):

4.02:

-the police station

4.08:

-baby Rio (rotten eggs with Nick)

-teenage Rio (the boxing scene(s)/contrasted with Nick’s POV on the golf course)

-teenage Rio (locker room theft)

-teenage Rio (grandma/stove and locker room arrest)

-adult Rio (outside the police station)

-teenage Rio (with Nick, kitchen flashback - I think this is more just an omniscient POV, however)

4.09:

-the boxing scene (with Nick)

With the exception of the police station in 4.02, Nick has been present in some capacity in each one of these Rio POV scenes. Since it’s only been through the flashbacks that we’re getting the main context of their relationship, it’s clear that the storyline the show is perpetuating this season is that Nick and Rio’s characters are very tightly weaved together in some capacity. And have been historically.

Rio, as a teenager, was a victim of Nick’s early manipulative actions, but in the end, it made him money, so (we are able to gather) he was able to justify falling into a criminal relationship with him. After Rio’s six-month stint in prison, he spent (probably) the entire time resenting Nick (and also, this is where he most importantly - in my opinion - developed adult Rio’s mannerisms haha jk).

So, moving forward with this knowledge, let’s take a look at their adult relationship.

2. Nick’s character development (in relation to Rio)

First and foremost, with Rio, in s1-3, he was an enigmatic, charismatic, clever, powerful, king who loved money, was in charge of every decision, well-connected, and a man of few words etc etc. Now, while Rio is being given more facets as more and more of his relationship with Nick is revealed and explored: he is being illustrated as someone who is dependant on his likely long-time abuser. This may be the case, absolutely, but, in my opinion, takes away from the last three years of work the show put into the character Rio mentioned above, including Manny’s nuanced acting. The reveal of Nick’s current power dynamic over Rio (at least the abusive part) in this past episode was quite jarring and seemed incredibly OOC of the Rio I personally know and love from past seasons, and, it kind of came out of nowhere, in my opinion. To be clear, I have nothing against the storyline of Rio being a victim (have you read my fic? haha), but I think that the way they are progressing this storyline is too abrupt and lacks the subtleties that I would have preferred to see with something like this. Especially considering this is canon.

Returning to the original point though, by assuming this abuser/abused dynamic is where the show is taking Nick and Rio’s relationship, that means that Nick likely seeks to control Rio’s life and decisions as much as he can (props to @00gangfriend00 for this articulation). Related and important side note: @jade-marie pointed out to me that by setting a preceding occurrence of physical mistreatment, the show is (unintentionally) establishing Rio as someone who is stuck in a cycle of abuse, and who seems to seek out abusive relationships and probably misunderstands abuse as intimacy. Rio’s relationships with both Beth and Nick demonstrate this. How much shit they’re both clearly able to get away with, and still have power over him. Which I think is an incredibly problematic message to be sending. This is a critical point, especially regarding the scars/acknowledgement of the shooting, because it offers the writer’s an excuse to write off the entire shooting, and by doing so, they are validating this cycle of abuse. (I won’t apologize for this particular tangent, because I really hope the writers acknowledge the damage this storyline could do if they don’t properly see it through this season)

Since it was confirmed that Nick didn’t know about Lucy (even though Rio supposedly got the alibi of the boxing tickets from him) Rio was, presumably, hiding the true extent (or the entirety) of his relationship with Beth from him. Which - I think from a writer’s perspective - does benefit the show, if they choose not to circle back to the shooting. This also allows them the freedom to ‘pretend’ that Rio got over it by himself. Obviously, there are a lot of issues and plot holes with that in itself, but to me, because Lucy’s death wasn’t something that Nick already knew about, combined with the lack of clarity of who Beth is to Rio in Nick’s mind - he doesn’t know about either the shooting or the consequences of it.

3. The lack of scars

Alright, so lastly - the show’s decision to not put scars on Rio. I think this was absolutely a conscious decision, there must have been at least one person in the building that thought of the fact that a shirtless Manny without scars couldn’t just be brushed aside. As a result, I, personally, think this demonstrates that the show is done with shooting. Pretending it never happened, erasing the trauma, moving on, yeah. Obviously, as I said, I vehemently don’t agree with this direction but I think it’s clear it’s a storyline the show doesn’t want to circle back to. Otherwise, Nick would know about Beth and Rio’s history. Otherwise, Nick would know about Lucy. Otherwise, there would be scars. This is my own opinion of course, but I’m making it based off of a couple of Nick’s lines: “Did you [kill Lucy] for [Beth]?” and in 4.08 when he talks to Beth, “So what’s the deal with you and [Rio]? […] Anyone who wears a cardigan, shouldn’t be doing what he does.” He generally seems unaware of the true state of Beth and Rio’s history and is probably genuinely curious about it considering the amount of control he has (or wants to have) over Rio.

I think that because all of the Rio POVs we’ve had are linked to Nick, I made the jump that we are supposed to believe Nick’s influence is/was at the heart of many of Rio’s decisions in the past. Obviously, during s2 and s3 writing and production, they didn’t actually know they were going to get a s4 or do a Rio backstory, so the fact is, that the character they wrote called Rio then, was someone entirely different from today’s Rio. However, we’re watching different seasons of Good Girls, not a different show from one year to the next. I think because this is the backstory we’re getting, the show is implying that this was the case all along. That s2 and s3 Rio made all of those decisions with Nick, someone he was scared of, hanging over his head in some capacity. Or somewhere in his vicinity. That’s why I have a problem with the implication that Lucy’s death was phrased the way it was, without the scars present. They coated that dialogue with innuendos about Beth and Rio’s sexual history, which is also quite layered, but at least that connection I get. It reminds us that Rio was betrayed in more ways than one. However, without the scars present, and Nick seemingly unaware of the shooting, how does the show intend to justify Lucy’s death with the audience? None of it makes sense. Jade was so incredibly helpful; she cohesively summarized the events - by erasing 2.13, they are erasing Rio’s motivations for 3.05. I just want it to make sense 😩

[hallie-fics]

author spotlight - restlessqueenx

“If you get yourself killed doing this,” Harry murmurs, his hand on the back of her neck, his forehead warm where it's leaning against hers, “I will never ever forgive you.”

- Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind @restlessqueenx

it’s not hard to note the fics that define a fandom. this author has written three, three defining stories. the amount of love and respect i have for them is immense, and i was honored to be able to ask and receive answers for these various questions regarding everything from their writing process to favorite hallie headcanon. 

this is only the first in a series of interviews done with hallie authors. if there’s anyone who you’d like to see, please message me and i’ll get that sorted out right away!

the q&a

*quick note, I tend to shorten my titles when talking about them because I always pick such long titles, so I may refer to Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind as “Spine,” It Feels Like Winter Follows You Around as “Winter” and Screaming at the Stars as “Stars”

Favorite of your stories (and why)

I think, at least right now, it has to be Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind, because it’s complete. Also, because Winter (Harry’s POV) wouldn’t exist without it (I had never intended to write it, and it just sort of happened), and Screaming at the Stars is probably more in the vein of what I normally write, but I can’t decide how satisfied I am with it until I wrap it up.

Easiest story to write

Probably Screaming at the Stars because it just sort of showed up as this emotion in my chest and I knew I wanted to put it down on the page. Spine was pretty time consuming because it’s canon divergent and I was constantly having to check scenes to get the dialogue/descriptions right. I wanted to use as much of canon as I could, but that meant that I couldn’t really write it if I wasn’t home with the episodes available. Winter was (is) difficult because of how dark of a headspace I sometimes have to get into with Harry. Stars is overall a much lighter emotional space to access.

Hardest story to write

Spine, just because of how much work it took to weave the canon with the canon divergence and reframe scenes. Winter is easier because (even though it does include some scenes that aren’t in Spine) I have the blueprint of Spine to refer to, and I reuse some sections of it word for word to highlight the difference in POV when it diverges. Winter is definitely emotionally heavier, but it’s less tedious work.

Pre-writing process (if any)

For me, it depends a lot on the fic. With Spine, the very first thing that came to me was “What if I wrote a soulmate AU where the only thing that indicates that is that wherever you fall asleep, you always wake up where your soulmate is?” Then I thought, “Could this be set in the canon universe? How would that potentially just twist around or change what we’ve seen?” And everything spiralled out from there. I didn’t really outline initially, I started writing it, just to see where it was going. Then I ended up having to go through every episode and watch each Harry, Allie, and Hallie scene and write basic outlines of the dialogue and what happened in those scenes so I could start to figure out how to adjust the scenes/story to fit the soulmate AU idea. I’m not very patient about outlines, so I mostly just bullet point brief descriptions of what I need to write and then re-examine the scene as I’m writing. I’ve never written something that relied so heavily on canon before. It’s a lot of work and I’m really impressed by people who do it regularly. So Spine’s pre-writing was basically an idea on a twisted trope (I don’t know if I’m the first person to think of it, but I’ve never read a soulmate au with the basis of Spine before) and then watching/transposing the canon scenes. Winter didn’t really have any since I had Spine as a basis. Stars I started thinking about while taking a shower and I just jumped right into it.

What drew you to Hallie?

I love ships that I see potential for, but aren’t all neatly worked out immediately in canon. And I love ships that I feel the characters have a lot of potential to grow and change as individuals within the relationship. I was a little unsure about Hallie at first as I was watching the show, because it took me a while to work out how I felt about Harry in general, but I just see so much potential for a great story between them. And, to be quite honest, Kathryn and Alex just have loads and loads of on screen chemistry, they just light up with each other in scenes. Sometimes actors just have that with each other and it’s almost hard to look away.

Hopes for season 2

Growth and help for Harry! I’m okay with having to wait for romantic Hallie (presuming we get more seasons) as long as keeping them apart feels organic and true to the story (and not done solely for tension & keeping the audience coming back), but I need to see Harry receive help (I get that he can’t get professional help in these circumstances, but he really needs people who are genuinely looking out for him and trying to help him) and to also grow as a person and make better decisions/amends for some of his actions. I want Harry to have friends/people who actually care about him. While I really love Kelly’s character, and appreciate that she’s tried to keep an eye out for him, I think Harry needs people in his life outside of just an ex (and obviously outside of Campbell) and that’s pretty much all he’s had for a while. Harry’s so isolated in season 1, and I don’t see him being able to develop much (in a positive manner) if he continues to be so isolated in season 2.

Favorite line (or lines) that you’ve written for a hallie fic/ a section that you’re really proud of

From Spine, probably my favorite pieces are-

Allie tells him to leave like it matters, like come morning she won't find herself curled in his bed, close enough to feel his body heat. She tells him to go, because she wants to hate him, thinks she deserves to hate him, but she doesn't. And that's even worse.

And then the end, which I wrote long before I actually got to it. Specifically-

“There's probably a world somewhere,” Harry says, and his voice rumbles through his chest, against her skin, “where we never worked any of this out, and you and I are on opposite sides and always will be.”

“Probably.” It wouldn't be hard, she thinks, to have ended up somewhere else, anywhere else. They fought for this, a small sliver of peace in a fucked up world. It might be all they get.

“I'm glad it's not this one.”

“Me too.” Under her cheek, his heartbeat is steady, in sync with hers.

From Winter my absolute favorite section so far is the flashback to Harry when he’s 13 & deals with his familial relationships. I also am pretty happy with-

Allie is simultaneously fragile and hard as steel, one for a moment, the other the next. Harry doesn't understand it, how she can bear to wear her feelings to blatantly on her face, how she survives without a protective shell to keep her safe. He could never do that. She doesn't burrow down inside herself, she burns. He almost can't even watch it. Harry doesn't know what he is, but he knows Allie is something else entirely.

And-

She lets out a little shaky exhale. “I don't know how to hate you.”

Harry wonders how that can be. It's easy, he wants to say, if she doesn't already, all she needs to do is crack open his ribs, see that dark void yawning underneath, that place he falls into. But Allie isn't like him, even her darkest moods and thoughts are full of fire, casting light. Allie burns things down, she doesn't swallow them up.

He tells her the truth, one he's known for a long time. “I do.”

And, finally-

She's not starlight or sunlight or candlelight, she's a forest fire. When she leans into him, skin fever hot and her nails biting into his shoulders, he wonders if her inferno could burn the darkness right out from behind his ribs. Harry thinks he could be reduced to ashes, but he'd still let her try.

From Stars, I’m a little less sure, but I do like this part-

Just outside the doors, she catches a glimpse of Harry, head thrown back, laughing, his friends crowding close to him like moths to a flame, like they can't help it. Harry's always been magnetic. Allie remembers his face in the moonlight, the way she'd felt compelled to lean closer. It wasn't her fault; if you get close enough to Harry, he draws you into his orbit, planets rotating around a sun, basking in his light. Even now, her feet ache to drift in his direction. Those aren't her friends, he's not her friend anymore, but his gravitational pull is strong.

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read? (canon divergence, modern au, soulmate au, etc)

I’m an AU girl at heart, which is ironic considering 2 of my 3 Hallie fics are canon divergent. But really, I’m a big fan of AUs, almost any of them, I love them so much. I think I get more and more attracted to them the further I get into a show (the more seasons) because canon gets more confining as you have more of it. I think the kind of AU I like the most depends on the ship. I like soulmate AUs (obviously, I wrote one, lol) for Hallie because they have a history of not being super fond of each other & it’s a great way to force them to interact.

Favorite Hallie trope?

I think…. maybe Bed Sharing? You may notice that I write it into like everything I write ever. I just love the intimacy of it and the conversations people can have late at night in the dark or sleepy in the early morning. I dunno. It’s a thing for me, I guess.

Favorite Hallie headcanon?

I haven’t written it into anything (yet), but I have this mental picture of Modern AU Hallie getting really competitive about playing boardgames with each other. That has a soft spot in my heart.

How long have you been writing for?

Pretty much as long as I can remember. The first thing I can remember writing (like thinking I was seriously writing something people would want to read) was this ridiculous story about unicorn royalty when I was about seven years old. I never finished it, but I think I actually did write like at least a couple thousand words before I quit. I have hundreds of beginnings of original works, literally several hundred, but most of them are only a few hundred words. My parents always encouraged me to write, so it was just something I did pretty much ever since I physically could.

How has your writing style evolved over time?

Oh, I’m not even sure where to begin with this. Because I’ve been writing since I was really young, it’s definitely evolved a lot, some of it just through age and getting a better grasp of language, and some of it deliberately. I think when I was younger, I tried really hard to mimic the styles of writers I liked, and I’ve definitely moved away from that as I’ve gotten older and found my own voice. I’m not trying to sound like anyone in particular now. That’s not to say I don’t find other writers influential, I certainly do, but I’m not actively attempting to write in someone else’s style. I think everyone who writes is always evolving. You can’t help but be influenced by everything you read and absorb.

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received?

All the time. I only have 3 works on the restlessqueen AO3, but I think I’ve posted about 25 fanfictions over various platforms/accounts for various fandoms and ships, and I get nervous about them every time. Whenever I write something, I usually get this glow of like “Oh, I’ve done something and I like it!” and then that sort of slowly wears off and I start to just question everything about it. I don’t know anyone who feels 100% confident about the stuff they post. I think I’m a little less nervous about it than I used to be, because people have been very kind to me for the most part (I have one old fic from around 2012/13 that got a couple of comments that still haunt me a bit, but other than that I’ve had good experiences) and so that’s helped ease some of my fears. I think what makes me the most worried now is when I post something and I just don’t get much feedback or it takes quite a while for responses to roll in, because I’m always thinking like “is it really so bad no one has literally anything to say?? Is it that bad and I didn’t realize it?” Also, I’m a bit insecure about my descriptive writing, I feel like I don’t do a very good job of describing location/setting, and it’s something I’m working on. I’m always a little scared someone will say they basically just didn’t get any sort of mental picture from what I write.

What’s the hardest part of writing for you?

Focus. I have so many ideas always bouncing around my head, but I get distracted super easily. I can’t ever seem to only do one thing at a time. If I’m writing, I’m definitely either listening to music or sometimes even playing a podcast in the background because it’s like if there’s any free space at all in my brain, I just completely lose my ability to do anything. It’s a big struggle for me. I actually write with the most focus when I’m supposed to be doing something else. I wrote 150k worth of an original piece by writing when I was supposed to be taking notes in history class in high school. In fact, a lot of my fanfiction has been written during lectures, because somehow if I’m supposed to be focusing on something else, I’m almost always the most productive version of my writing self. I wish I were different, though.

Do you get writer’s block and if so how do you deal with it?

Ugh. Unfortunately. I’m not great at handling writer’s block, tbh. Sometimes I just don’t write for a long time. I think reading can sometimes oust me from it, but not always. The worst is that occasionally I have to just push through it and write my way out of it (which basically means just writing really uninspired crap until I manage to find some inspiration again). I do think that talking to someone about what I’m working on is a big help, though it’s not always an available option. I’m part of a writing group, and I usually feel really inspired after we’ve had a writing discussion.

Biggest risk you’ve ever taken as a writer?

Wow, this is actually a really hard question. I feel like I’m not a big risk taker, and this is making me wonder if maybe I should try to take more writing risks. I guess most recently it could be creating the restlessqueen AO3. I made it because I have written quite a few fics for a pretty large fandom and I had gotten comfortable within that space and I thought it would be good for me to step outside of that world for a bit. I think it really has been, too.

again, the biggest of thanks to @restlessqueenx for doing this with me! to anyone who hasn’t read any of these fics, please do so immediately. each of them are amazing and i will never step recommending them!

[constellations-soc]

New post from the "Centre for Sustainable, Healthy and Learning Cities and Neighbourhoods" blog:

In this two-part photo essay, Zubeida Lowton explores the influence of racial, social and spatial fragmentation in South African cities. Zubeida is a PhD candidate in the Department of Urban Studies at the University of Glasgow. Her doctoral research investigates the everyday experiences of people using public spaces in Johannesburg and Cape Town. The views in this article are those of the author and not attributable to SHLC.

Racial controls symbolic of the apartheid legacy, Johannesburg and Cape Town. Credit: Zubeida Lowton, University of Glasgow

After 26 Years of democracy, there is limited understanding of new forms of fragmentation in South Africa’s post-apartheid cities. But, by understanding socio-spatial fragmentation in our cities, decision-makers can, and should, tailor transformative urban initiatives to make our cities inclusive for all.

Although social engineering of a divided city was outlawed in 1990, a segregated spatial structure, unfortunately, remains in both Johannesburg and Cape Town. The Groups Areas Act (1950) allowed the racial zoning of city centres to be categorised as “white only” areas, which meant non-white groups could be controlled within the city. Shops displayed “non-white shop” signs and benches were designated for “whites” and “non-whites”.

To erase the traumatic memory of apartheid, most of these racial reminders were removed from city centres. However, exploring the city centre streets of Johannesburg and Cape Town, I still found hidden signs and racially segregated benches that tell us it is not possible to socially erase the impact of a spatially divided city.

Colonial mining heritage outdoor displays, Johannesburg. Credit: Zubeida Lowton, University of Glasgow

Walking the city centre streets of Johannesburg

Tributes to Johannesburg’s mining history like outdoor displays and heritage plaques are easy to find walking around the city. The economic success of the city attracted many migrants and Johannesburg became the economic hub of South Africa. But, the decline of the city centre towards the end of apartheid meant many corporate head offices relocated to the northern suburbs. The city centre is now marked by multiple abandoned buildings and quiet streets outside of working hours. There have been attempts to reframe this negative reputation by encouraging people back into the city centre’s public spaces and restore Johannesburg’s image as a ‘Global’ city.

Less dirty and more safe, yes, but better integrated? No

For example, along Fox Street, I found several public spaces, such as the Maboneng Precinct, Gandhi Square and the Mining District, and 1 Fox Street. These public spaces have been redeveloped at various scales to make the city centre less dirty, less grimy, more safe and with better social activities.

Weekend market including activities, Maboneng District, Johannesburg. Credit: Zubeida Lowton, University of Glasgow

Shop, eat, do! But only at the weekends

The Maboneng Precinct is a redeveloped warehouse area stretching across multiple blocks, located south of the city centre, close to historical worker hostels. The area is known for its mixed uses where you can find restaurants, arts and crafts markets, cafes, a cinema, retail stores, offices space and residential apartments. Walking through the streets, I found that it is mainly middle-income groups who are flocking to the precinct, in large part because it is safe and secure to enjoy the arts and shopping. My impression was that Maboneng is still isolated from the surrounding area and is more about catering to middle-income earners than racially isolating certain groups. However, this area is more popular at weekends, while weekdays were much quieter.

Daily commute and central meeting point, Gandhi Square, Johannesburg. Credit: Zubeida Lowton, University of Glasgow

Remembering the resistance

Gandhi Square and the Mining District are more formal in nature. Here you can find corporate buildings, higher education institutions and restaurants.

Mahatma Gandhi was a lawyer recruited to work for one of the firms based in Van Der Bijl Park, later renamed Gandhi Square. Gandhi led an early resistance, protesting the pass book legislation, which all non-white residents were required to carry around so they could work and as a form of identification. During the protest a huge number of pass books were burned in Van Der Bijl Park. The redevelopment of the square saw an upgrade to the main bus terminus, surrounding buildings and the inclusion of a statue of Gandhi as a young lawyer. The redevelopment of the square has created an inclusive space in the heart of the city and there are many opportunities for people from various socio-economic backgrounds and races to interact.

Tourist attraction and corporate surrounding, Mining District, Johannesburg. Credit: Zubeida Lowton, University of Glasgow

The Mining District is surrounded by corporate buildings as the industry played a pivotal role in attracting a mix of mining, financial, education and professional service companies. The Mining District has two parts to it: one area along Fox Street has lots of corporate buildings and the other area along Main Street is home to lots of social activities. The City Sightseeing bus stops twice in this area including walking tours, so it is typical to see lots of tourists here.  There is a different dimension to this area that genuinely encourages social mixing through showcasing historical milestones. The outdoor museum is an excellent example it is a free attraction accessible to everyone.

Gated entrance to public space, 1 Fox Street, Johannesburg. Credit: Zubeida Lowton, University of Glasgow

You can sit with us

Walking down 1 Fox Street felt like walking through a private space only accessible to the elite few. This area is  cut off from the rest of the city centre because it is hard to access and find. This isolated location does little to attract and integrate different socio-economic groups. 1 Fox Street is a closed redeveloped warehouse with different social spaces like eateries, a beer brewery shops and a bookstore, with indoor and outdoor seating to enjoy all the different food on offer. This area is found close to China Town, which historically housed migrant Chinese workers employed as miners in the city. 1 Fox Street is also next to the notorious John Vorster Square, later renamed the Johannesburg Central police station, which during apartheid was infamous for the unorthodox treatment of detainees.

So, has Johannesburg been able to erase the spatial divide of apartheid? Yes and no. The development of public spaces in Fox Street are disjointed and mostly cater to a specific socio-economic demographic of middle-income earners. While Ghandi Square and the Mining District are the only genuine integrated spaces, these areas are not always full of people

Has Cape Town done any better? In part two, I walk the streets of three public spaces in the city centre, the oldest city centre in South Africa, and investigate what is being done to spatially transform the city following the fall of apartheid

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The post A Tale of Two Cities: Socio-Spatial Transformations of Post-Apartheid South African Cities – Part 1, Johannesburg appeared first on Centre for Sustainable, Healthy and Learning Cities and Neighbourhoods.

[arisvensims-blog]

The Strangest Thing Part 1

"Babe!" Sabi shouted from the bathroom. "Come here!" "What? Why?"

               Sabi sighed impatiently, "Just come in here!" She adjusted her star choker around her neck, making sure it was laying perfectly. After all, that night she had to look perfect. It was the first silent auction since she started working at the Art Center a month ago.

"What's up---oh wow..." Richard closed the door, flirtatiously lifting a brow at his girlfriend. "You sure you want to go out tonight?" He smiled. Sabi rolled her eyes and grinned. "Is it too much?"                "Well you sure are making me regret not being invited." He jested. "I think you look perfect."

Sabi averted her gaze, her grin growing. "I'm far from perfect. I just hope it's not too much."

Richard laughed.

"Trust me, babe." He gave her a wink, "You look and are perfect."

With a swirl of excitement, Sabi skipped over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Moving passed him she opened the bathroom door and went out into the living room/dining room/kitchen.

"Make sure to get some rest. They push you too hard at the hospital."

               "I'm an intern," he chuckled. "It's natural."

Sabi walked over to the coffee table where the TV was and grabbed her house keys. She felt Richard's hands gently wrapping around her waist and she turned.

"So maybe when you get back we can pick up where we left off before I got called into work?"

Sabi met his seductive gaze and teased him back. "Maybe," She bit her lip. "But will you be awake enough is the question."

               Richard chuckled, shaking his head. "Anything for you, love. You'll be back around 12?" Sabi nodded. "12:30 at the latest." She caressed his cheek and gave it a quick kiss.

"I love you." She said, staring deep into his eyes.

Richard's smile was genuine. "Right back at you, babe."

               The kiss was quick, like a habit. Sabi walked passed him and headed out the door. Everything was perfect. Her job. Her boyfriend. Her life. She couldn't have asked for anything else, because she had everything.

The uber didn't take long. The Art Center was right down the street from her loft. It was convenient. She gave the driver a smile and trotted off into the building. It was only 4PM. Her boss came over to her as soon as he laid eyes on her. "Sabi! Right on time! Are you excited?!"

               Mr. Prater was very kind to Sabi. As soon as he saw the name Rolland on her resume his shoulders perked up. Apparently, he and her father were old University buddies, and there weren't many Rolland's in this town.

               "There are some guests in the dining hall, itching to place their bids." He chuckled, rubbing his hands. "This is going to be a big night for us, kiddo!"

               Sabi grinned, showing the utmost enthusiasm. "We have a lot of interesting pieces from local artist tonight as well, I heard!" Mr. Prater nodded, "And we have a very special painting! Came all the way from Scotland! It's over 200 years old! If we get this one on the floor, I'm sure someone will bid high for it."

"Can I see it?" Asked Sabi. Mr. Prater cocked his head to the side, "Well, I was going to ask you if you could get it from the basement."

"Wait, me?" Sabi looked confused. "Shouldn't, like, a professional be handling it or...something?"

               Mr. Prater laughed lightly, "I trust you won't drop it. Besides, it's not like it's that fragile. It was reframed in the 1920s."

                               "That's still...100 years ago, sir." She was unsure if she felt comfortable bringing such an antique upstairs. The look in Mr. Prater's eyes however, made her feel almost obligated to do it. "Alright," she finally said.

Sabi made her way to the back of the gallery, holding her hands in front of her nervously. "If I smudge, crack or drop this thing I won't be able to pay it off." She mumbled to herself. Mr. Prater put a lot of trust in her and it almost made her feel anxious. Heading down the stairs, she opened the heavy door and walked in. Most of the items were already on the floor. Just a few paintings and sculptures were left, the less impressive, she thought. Her eyes scanned the room, looking for something that was out of place. Something that she didn't remember seeing. Suddenly hey gaze fell on the portrait in the far corner. There was an almost ominous feeling to it. As she came closer, to see it more clearly, she exhaled in surprise.

The painting was of a woman. Her eyes heavily bruised and bloodshot, but something about her profile seemed so familiar. Her nose, cheeks and lips. Even the hair color. It was almost as if the painting was of her.              

               It couldn't have been possible. She never once had long hair and, in fact, it was very old. How did Mr. Prater not notice this?

"So strange..." She crossed her arms, staring deeper into the eyes of the woman in the painting. "The strangest thing, really." She then began to approach it slowly. "What happened to you?" Her arm reached out and her fingers gently traced along the frame. How was this even possible? She had heard of people looking exactly like old historical paintings, but this was almost surreal. Suddenly, and last too fast for her to react, The painting began to ripple.

               She stepped back, thinking that maybe she was dreaming all of this, but it was very much happening. Through the rippling, a hand reached through. Sabi gasped. Her heart raced a mile a minute. It couldn't have been happening. There was no way possible that a hand, then an arm, then an entire man was falling out of the painting!

She backed up even more, as this man stumbled out, and crashed into the floor. "What the hell?!" She shouted, and the man stirred. Looking around. He was panting, flushed, and very much not from this time.

He stumbled to his feet, hunched over and out of breath.

"Ne're again." He panted. Sabi was in too much shock to move. The man finally looked at her, and his eyes widened. "Lass, what're ye doing here?"

Instead of a calm disposition, Sabi responded aggressively. "Me? What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?! What is this?! Did you and Mr. Prater did some sort of joke on me?"

               "Ey? I dunno what you are speaking of." He pulled himself up, dusting himself off. "What're ye doing in my studio? And..." His eyes averted, blush creeping on his face. "What is that get-up? Not proper for a woman."

               Obviously this guy was not from her timeline. What she wore was perfectly fine, but that wasn't what bugged her, "Your studio? Dude, this isn't Scotland. This is America."

               The man looked surprised at that, but not surprised at the fact that he obviously just came out of a painting, was standing in front of a stranger. "I see," He said, turning about. "Ah, here it is."

"Ye old enchanted Druid. I knew it."        

"Knew what?!" Sabi exclaimed, becoming more annoyed by the minute. "Drop the accent! Tell me what you are doing here and how you pulled this whole thing off, or I will call the police."

               "Uh huh, yes yes." He waved his hand at her, as if dissmissing her entirely. "I need to be getting this back home, now."

               "Whoa whoa whoa," Sabi slid in front of him. He stared at her, puzzled, "Can I help ye?"

”You can help me by telling me what the hell is going on!"

But the man looked passed her briefly then back, making a connection. The same connection Sabi made when she saw the picture. "You are she." He smiled.

               "What? She who?!" Sabi was at the last of her patience, if she even had any through this entire encounter.

               The man approached her, gently lifting his hand and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"The one who put this curse on me family."

Sabi was taken aback, jerking her head and slapping his hand away from her. "What..." It was less enthusiastic than her last few times saying that word. "This is a dream."

               "Ay, lass." Said the man, "A dream come true." Within a blink of an eye, the man had vanished.

Was this all an illusion? Did this even happen? She looked around the room dizzily. The only thing coming to mind was her boyfriend. She needed to talk to someone about this, and he was the only one she felt comfortable with. She quickly ascended the stairs and made her way out of the basement.

She rushed passed Mr. Prater, who came after her. "Sabi? Sabi?! Where are you going?!"

But Sabi didn't stop running. Even in her high heels and the pain coursing through her feet she didn't stop. So many questions. So much confusion. What would Richard think? He'd think she was crazy! A man falling out of a painting from 200 years ago. Oh, and, the chick in the painting looks exactly like her. Weird, right? He'd think she was joking. He'd think she was drunk.

She could have ubered but she left her phone, keys and purse back at the Art Center. She was too in her head to even think of grabbing them. What exactly happened?

               A painting from Scotland. What did that man call it? A Druid? A painting of a Druid? And he didn't seem like he was from 200 years ago. He dressed more like from the early 1900s. His accent was obviously Scottish. It was almost hard to make out exactly what he was saying. Wait. Mr. Prater mentioned it was reframed in the 1920s. Was that the man who did it? But how did he get stuck in a painting? This didn't make sense. Magic wasn't real. Druid's weren't magical. There wasn't anything to explain exactly what happened.

Finally she reached her home. She was ready to knock but the door was unlocked. Strange. Richard always locked the door. Maybe...maybe that guy came by?

               He didn't know her name, how would he know where she lived? But then again he did just poof into thin air. Did he even exist?

               "Babe!" She rushed in, but stopped.

"Oh my God!"

 What did Sabi see? Was it the mysterious man or...something else?

Find out in part 2!

[yasuda-yoshiya]

Thoughts on Revolutionary Girl Utena

So, as a first step in my ongoing effort to detox from 800 episodes of card games and expand my anime horizons a little, I've spent the last month or so watching Utena. Wow, what a cool and fascinating series! It honestly felt to me like a really strikingly bold and subversive show even by today's standards, let alone for the time it was made. Having had some time to think on it, here are some tentative thoughts:

While I definitely enjoyed and felt engaged with this show the whole way through, I think the last few episodes were what really pulled it all together for me. Up to that point, I absolutely loved Utena and Anthy as characters and their relationship, and found the general surreal presentation and aesthetics of the show really consistently beautiful and intriguing in a way that made it always feel engaging to watch, but it also felt like a kind of episodic and disjointed show where the various characters' stories didn't really seem to connect with or impact each other in any meaningful way.

But the endgame of the series was where it really took me by surprise in how it went so far beyond what I would have expected! The way the show had been framed up until then, I was basically expecting the big finale to be about Utena definitively making the choice to be Anthy's "prince" and rejecting the role of the "princess" that Akio wanted to push on her - and I would still have really appreciated and admired the show even for that alone, for Utena's gender non-conforming presentation and relationship with Anthy being portrayed so positively in general and for the way her feeling pressured to be more like a "normal girl" was always so explicitly framed as the "wrong choice" by the narrative - but I felt like the show really took things a step further in not just upholding Utena's role as the prince but outright rejecting the prince/princess framework and the hierarchy of the dueling game system altogether. It felt like such a daring ending to me in the way it totally breaks down and reframes the whole premise of the series up to that point, and made me look at a lot of the characters and themes of the series in a whole new light! It honestly made me realise that I'd probably been projecting my expectations of this kind of story on Anthy in much the same way as Utena had, and it made the show end up feeling really intelligent and insightful to me in its willingness not just to overturn gender role expectations on traditional romantic narratives and flip the bird to heteronormativity (which it still absolutely does, and does very well), but also to really question and criticise the assumptions behind those narratives on a fundamental level.

And the more I think about the series since then, the more I feel like so much of the series' broader imagery and themes really clicks for me in that light? The whole system of dueling over the Rose Bride feels like a very apt metaphor for the way so much of mainstream society and media does present romantic love, as a struggle to "win" your ideal partner as proof of your self-worth and as a magic cure for all your personal unhappiness and insecurities, as a sort of contest where the “losers” who can’t “get” a partner look up at the “winners” with envy and resentment - and the way Akio ultimately pulls back the curtain on that system to reveal that the ideal castle that all those people were fighting to reach was just a false image he was projecting to them to serve his own ends, that their attempts to escape their insecurities and "revolutionise the world" through winning the duels were really just upholding and reinforcing the status quo, felt really powerful to me. While I was watching the show, a lot of the side characters and their subplots had sort of frustrated me at times with their frequent emphasis on unrequited love stories that felt really obviously shallow and unhealthy, but I felt like the last few episodes really successfully reframed a lot of that to me as a remarkably perceptive commentary on just how much those kinds of empty romantic ideals and societal conventions can constrain people and warp their individual potential on a systematic scale.

In that sense, I feel like I can really appreciate the show's portrayal of how even fundamentally decent people like Miki and Saionji can be warped by the system into people willing to objectify Anthy and fight to possess her as a way of alleviating their own insecurities, even when they wouldn't have been naturally inclined to be that kind of person, through the pressure of the people around them accepting it as the norm and the false promise of the ideal happiness waiting on the other side. How people like Wakaba and Keiko can be made to believe that happiness is impossible for them and to resent the people around them for "stealing their happiness away", because everything around them has led them to the subconscious belief that the only "happiness" out there is being noticed by a popular guy like Touga or Saionji. Even Utena, the one who most explicitly rejects the dueling system and specifically sets out to treat Anthy as a real person with her own autonomy, still ends up unconsciously projecting her own ideals on her and playing into the established system in the ways she goes about being her "prince", because the influence of those flawed ideals and norms is so deep and pervasive that it's almost impossible not to internalise some of it.

It feels like something I can definitely relate to as someone who absolutely did buy into a lot of that crap as a teenager and seriously hurt other people as a result - and while I did eventually manage to break out and see the toxicity of the system for what it was, it's also horribly easy for me to see how easy it must be for people to stay constrained by it and live out their whole lives without "breaking the world's shell", without even realising how the toxic assumptions they've inherited from "the world" are killing them and distorting the ways they interact with other people - how their attempts at escaping from their insecurities are hurting themselves and others, and ultimately just perpetuating the same system that's strangling them. Akio is a horrifying villain because the ways he insidiously manipulates and influences the people around him feel absolutely real - he's able to play to people's vulnerabilities and unexamined assumptions, to make them follow along with his script while keeping them always genuinely believing that they're making their own independent decisions and fighting for their own happiness and fulfilment. It's very hard to fight something that embeds itself on such a deep and unconscious level in people's basic assumptions and frameworks for viewing themselves and the world, where people don’t even see the ways it’s influencing them.

But I think Utena's ending feels very honest and hopeful in acknowledging that, while the system can't really be defeated or destroyed by individual people in any meaningful way, what people CAN do is make the decision to step outside it and not allow it to have power over them - and, hopefully, to inspire other people to be able to make that choice for themselves too. That part towards the end of the film where the other student council members came to the rescue and helped Utena and Anthy escape, wishing them well in the outside world - "We still haven't found our own way out yet, but we'll definitely get there some day" - honestly made me tear up a little! It really communicated a strong sense of hope to me in the idea that these kids might have made a lot of mistakes and still have a lot of growing up to do, but it's still possible for them to break free from Ohtori and everything it represents the same way Utena and Anthy did - that the present doesn't have to keep following the way of the past. It’s still possible for the next generation to escape it and leave it behind. The whole imagery around the film's ending - "it may be a world without roads, but we can build them" - felt really uplifting and beautiful to me as well; as ridiculously bizarre and surreal as the film was in a lot of ways, it felt like it capped off the series' themes really nicely.

All in all, I ended up feeling really fulfilled and satisfied with this show! It feels like a very deliberate series that's extremely conscious of everything it wants to do, and generally executes it well. I would say I probably didn’t really connect with a lot of the individual character arcs on a particularly deep level - Juri's resolution with that one guy who popped in completely out of nowhere felt particularly odd to me, and I wasn't a huge fan of Nanami or Touga either - but I think it really nailed the bigger picture in terms of its thematic project and the ideas it wanted to convey, and on the whole I feel like I just have a huge amount of respect for the things it had to say and the way it went about saying them. The whole imagery of the setting with the school as an isolated, self-contained world with its inhabitants unknowingly being overseen and controlled by Akio from his tower as "the highest place in this world" really feels like such a strong and vivid metaphor to me, and I honestly felt really impressed with just how perceptively and accurately the show manages to portray the subtleties of the various ways social and patriarchal pressures really do operate on people (and on young teenagers who are still figuring out how love and relationships work in particular). It's weird to say about such a surreal and often goofy series, but I honestly feel like I haven't seen a story that approaches those kinds of subjects with this kind of clarity, and I feel like this show's framework has honestly helped me to reexamine and better understand a lot of my own messy teenage experiences as well. Definitely a show whose whole feels like more than the sum of its parts for me, I think, and one that I expect is going to stick with me for quite some time!

[thankyoumskobayashi]

I just misread an earlier part of TGCF (CH.~41-50) and it said that E-Ming was rumored to have been made with the blood of innocents. However, knowing Hua Cheng, I wouldn't be surprised if that scimitar was made with the blood of the cliquey martial and literature gods who made fun of Xie Lian (and were subsequently murdered simultaneously by the demon king Crimson Rain Sought Flower). Knowing now from recent chapters how many boundless oodles of power Hua Cheng has, only a sword made from the remains of gods themselves would be able to handle that much strength without shattering under the power of its master.

And from the perspectives of the rest of the gods in the heavens, the ones who died were "innocent" because these gods don't consider "making fun of Xie Lian" to be a criminal offence. However, a certain idiot prone to falling (both physically & metaphorically) DOES consider that a criminal offence, one for which he Can & Will mete out punishment.

I think it's cool how MXTX explores reframing narratives through misunderstandings, mindsets, and cultural paradigms. This one event can be analyzed from multiple characters' perspectives: "Crimson Rain Sought Flower challenged all the martial gods and all the literature gods to a contest. Everyone except Xie Lian's former assistants participated and all of them lost their lives as a result of being humiliated and reneging on the wager." Hua Cheng, the one setting the wager and doing the killing, probably saw it as dealing with useless trash. Those gods themselves must have seen it as injustice. The newer gods in the heavens don't know Hua Cheng's motives, so they consider him capricious and dangerous. They regard him with fear, and attempt to pass along that fear to Xie Lian, who hasn't been to the heavens for hundreds of years and therefore doesn't know any of the news or gossip.

It's also interesting to see Xie Lian's opinions grow as he meets Hua Cheng first, then listens to hearsay afterwards. He gets to know Hua Cheng, and sees him as a carefree, knowledgeable, generous person who likes to joke around. Then he is told that Hua Cheng is a capricious and dangerous person liable to turn on you at any moment. His motives are shrouded in mystery. However, these rumors end up slam-dunked in the garbage by Xie Lian because he sees Hua Cheng differently than the rest of the gods in the heavens. Hua Cheng is generous towards and protective of him, to the point of actually fighting well when he defended Xie Lian against Pei Su and the snakes. He fought seriously that time, according to Xie Lian, not allowing a single scratch to land on the Flower Crown Prince.

The play that was performed at the Lantern-counting festival which depicted the blossoming romance between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian probably baffled some, but perhaps some of the gods now believe that Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are in love. I just realized this play might have been written by Wind Master, who saw those two get stuck together with RuoYe during the sandstorm lol

Anyways, I forget where this was supposed to go, but maybe it doesn't have a point so I can write whatever I want. Hua Cheng could have future sight which is why he warned Xie Lian to avoid Wind, Earth & Water Masters, Ling Wen, and the rest of the Heavens for a time. He could be haunted by visions of Xie Lian getting falsely accused & slandered again. We already know this is the worst torment to him, he admitted it during the dice game which was a ploy to test if Earth Master was the Reverend of Empty Words. After this each paragraph is its own idea. They aren't always connected, except through my own convoluted train of thought.

Even though Hua Cheng set his Divine SkypeTM password to something super lovey dovey and/or horny I bet he can communicate telepathically with E-Ming.

After Xie Lian gave Hua Cheng his bamboo hat when they were planting rice, I bet Hua Cheng was hyped up on "he gave me his hat to show everyone that I'm his" energy. He was probably annoyed that these lowly mortals were harassing his love about the Demon King's relationship status and sauntered over to say "I'm already married." But he was silently adding after that, "in my heart...." 

After Hua Cheng denied that whole business about having a lover, Xie Lian smiled and told him, "you liar." Mind you, this is after that scene in the QianDang Temple where Xie Lian holds up the white flower that Hua Cheng once made a symbol for him, and asks "This is the flower you are pursuing, right?" Hua Cheng is under the impression that Xie Lian is aware of his romantic intentions towards him. So he goes, "yeah that thing about me having a lover is a lie. I just haven't won them over yet." Not realizing that Xie Lian is still hurt about the joking about marriage thing from the other day.

From Hua Cheng's perspective, that joke was only considered a joke to lessen (for him) the pain of not being immediately engaged to Xie Lian. He was probably trying to see if Xie Lian was into him or not, gauge how he was doing at winning his lifelong crush's affections. Since Xie Lian has been a depressed wanderer for literal centuries, the concept of getting married and having someone to live with must be something he fundamentally believed wasn't for him. Besides, there was that whole "being the laughingstock of the heavens" thing, so he probably internalized the idea that no one would ever want him.

Hubris was Xie Lian's tragic flaw, and for that he paid with his country, the existences of every place he loved, his family, his people, his temples, his reputation + corresponding godly powers, and most importantly, his confidence. He learned humility the hard way, and now hesitates to trust other people. These are mental health problems Hua Cheng can encourage him to overcome, but ultimately the hard work must be done by Xie Lian.

Another thing working against Hua Cheng is the fact that Xie Lian is so old. Hua Cheng is as well, probably around 790 years to Xie Lian's 800, but that is not what I mean by that. Xie Lian being so old means he's gotten used to meeting people, living with them for a while, and then moving on in life as he wanders away or they kick him out or something. He considers Hua Cheng's presence an unlikely yet welcome one, but doesn't expect him to stay in his life for very long. Unless this is addressed directly in words by Crimson Rain Sought Flower, I foresee Xie Lian continuing to act like Hua Cheng is an extended houseguest when the latter believes "I live here." Even if they do end up moving to another small shrine.

Speaking of shrines, Hua Cheng never promised Xie Lian to build him shrines but did anyway. In contrast, the humans who were saved by Xie Lian end up making empty promises of shrines and such. However, Hua Cheng not only built him a shrine, he made a huge fuckin' Sword Collection just to impress Xie Lian because of the one time he got lectured on swords by Xie Lian. I haven't reread that part recently but I know the gist of it was "swords don't seem like your thing so you should use a scimitar instead that'd work really well for you." Boom: 800 years later Hua Cheng wields a legendary scimitar, E-Ming. In the times when Xian Le was still around, Hua Cheng listened to Xie Lian on everything except "forget about me." Because that would have meant ignoring Xie Lian's earlier request, "make me your reason for living." If Hua Cheng had ignored that previous request, which was filled with genuine concern for his wellbeing, he would have had no reason to live and probably would've met a miserable end. But instead, he determined to follow Xie Lian to the godly realm - by becoming a god himself. Probably a martial god, too. He had to be exactly like his hero.

Speaking of being just like his hero, I have some thoughts on why Hua Cheng didn't accept Xie Lian's offer to live at the Palace. One might think it's primarily because Qi Rong would attempt to kill him again but I bet that was simply a minor extra reason. The main reason he didn't stay at the Palace was bc Xie Lian wasn't there most of the time, either due to Crown Princely duties or cultivation at the mountain temple. Hua Cheng, even as a kid, wanted Xie Lian to pay attention to him. Hearing "live for me" was probably as much of a lifeline because Xie Lian was paying attention to him at that critical moment, an equal reason I believe to the content of the message Xie Lian gave itself. "Being encouraged by someone you look up to is a wonderful feeling" is a message MXTX also put in MDZS, when Wei Wuxian encourages the Cloud Kids during the Yi City arc. And the timing of that encouragement holds just as much weight for Hua Cheng as having his hero give him a reason to keep living.

And that reason, as was evidenced by Hua Cheng's descent from godhood to becoming a Supreme Level Demon (I think they're the strongest/rarest type? There were 4 categories mentioned in the beginning. Below Supreme is Menace), is to become strong enough to protect the love of his life. The first thing Hua Cheng did once he crashed the Volcano Party to become the strongest Demon was challenging all the gods in the heavens to the wager and killing them once they lost and didn't uphold their ends of the bargain. He was full of the same wrath that Xie Lian was filled with during his second ascension- that time Xie Lian ascended to the heavens, started an all-out brawl in Jun Wu's courtroom, and then got kicked/demoted after like 5 mins. So people were making fun of Xie Lian after this event too, and Hua Cheng, filled with righteous anger that NO ONE in the so-called "just" heavens was standing up for the love of his life, decided to take matters into his own hands. (I think one of the two assistants in the beginning mentions Hua Cheng became a Demon Supreme after Xie Lian's second ascension and before his third ascension, but I just didn't remember it until now.)

If Hua Cheng was a meme, he'd be that "I've only known Xie Lian for 800 years, and if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in the heavens and then Qi Rong."

Because he knows if something happens to HIM, Demon Lord Supreme, there will be a power vacuum and Xie Lian's safety won't be guaranteed. Ok so that's abt it. Sorry to everyone on mobile, I threw a readmore in there but you wouldn't know that as you have to scroll through all of this rambling.

[trans-advice]

Ok I’m in kinda a weird situation. So I’ve known I was trans for 5 years and I didn’t tell anyone I know- parents, friends, no one. I’m 18 now (high school senior) and live at home with a freshman sibling. Last April I was outed to my parents as trans. It went Poorly. My sibling still didn’t know- they were in eighth grade then. Over the summer my sibling came out as trans and publicly came out as a trans guy upon starting high school. Now I genuinely do not believe in gatekeeping but my (1/?)

Sibling is one of the least masculine/most feminine people I’ve ever met. Never shown any signs of dysphoria or otherwise. I know it’s not my place but what should I do? How do you reccomend i reframe this situation? (2/2)

---

there’s a book titled “dude, you’re a f*” (censorship is mine) & it deals with toxic masculinity in high school circa 2003.

not being masculine enough, the kids/guys who get called slurs under toxic masculinity. like just because people call you slurs doesn’t mean you’re not a boy/man. you just have a different style. it also means that others target you.

i suspect he was already dealing with that conflict but keeping it to himself. also the gender roles of designated women keeping complaints to themselves (which is actually done to men too via macho bull$#!+) it’s like, maybe that’s why he was able to hide it well.

i think you should support your sibling/brother. they may’ve come out since they didn’t feel alone (safety in numbers, the premise of #MeToo). also i am very concerned with how your parents are going to treat them & also you. if you start fighting him over this, it’ll probably be taken advantage of by your parents to attack either of you.

also i just want to say that a lot of my own dysphoria has to do with other people or the impressions i want to make on other people &or the gap between me & my role models. point being is if you look internally, euphoria can be strong as hell since a lot of dysphoria is minority stress. therefore, your sibling/brother maybe secure in themselves,, excited to merely just have the words to describe/express himself, and or doesn’t quite know of all of the oppressive hate. and joy & fear are emotions like weather. gender dysphoria's more like climate.

support him. even when we’re brave, we do get exhausted.

good luck, peace & love,

eve

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep3 “Penguin, Our Hero” Personal Review

 “His methods will be our salvation.”    Warning spoilers below   

“Mr. Penn´s head” So MR. PENN shielded Oswald from the state of things? “I simply couldn't stand seeing you upset while you were recovering.” Which really makes me wonder, either he did it before too, just not wanting to deal with Penguins outbursts which would partly explain Oswald´s distorted view of what´s going on but with the way he was pressing on the issues of food, starvation, failing bullets in 5x01 that seems highly unlikely, which either means the outbursts got to a critical point where it was unbearable or he actually cared about Oswald´s well being? Which kind of fits that he apologized to Oswald after being shot but that means that it must have been terrible difficult for him to work for Oswald, Sofia and Carmine at the same time also why? How did Oswald win him over? I wannt to know everything, and as far as I´m concerned he is still there.  Also Penn still directing the (former Gertrud Kapelput Memorial Choir) choir might suggest he had a leading role in getting the people to Haven? I´d really like to have seen him in a position of reason that gets people out of a precarious situation but the episode made it look like he only did it because now it was specifically his head on the line. (Unless, that was something that Oswald said every 27 minutes, which .. is also likely) OSWALD COBBLEPOT okay so looks like Oswald wasn´t at all meant to be cruel, merely delusional? It seems Oswald really cared about Penn, thinking it would have been good for him to stay with him. He really believed his people were in a better situation than the slaves of other gangs.  He genuinely doesn´t seem to get why people would prefer Haven instead of his territory.  //  “I'm sorry, Mr. Cobblepot.” “You fool! This never would have happened if you stayed with me. Why did you leave?” “Everyone hated you.”  // “They probably go back to being slaves, I guess. My people, on the other hand, will go back to their regular lives, with their bellies full of gruel and their heads full of wonderful thoughts about their grand protector, me.”  //  “I kept people safe. I protected them from chaos. They should have loved me. Instead, they came here, to this pigsty, to be covered in fleas and filth. Why? What makes this place so special?” Oswald does´t think he´s a dictator or authoritarian he thinks he is living the “Great man theory” I´m glad that history moved past this and recognized that there is so much more to reality than a “great man” after another. Sadly that notion is one that´s hard to kill. You still have people thinking they benefit from a “strong” leader ruling with a firm hand. A strong man that´s guiding the nation is the only way to be protected and thrive. Someone that does act, someone that does do something! Not that It really matters much what that something is, as long as it isn´t weak. That way you get people praising Putin instead of being worried about the devaluation of democracy, that way you get orange fools that scream for a great wall instead of caring about facts, that way you get people saying Duterte doing good for his nation while soaking it´s soil with blood.  At leas the show didn´t portray his underlings buying into this, they just showed Oswald believing it. Which is still .. ?? Oswald was living the “Strong man politics” (okay with the cult of personality tuned up on the higher setting) and I´m kind of glad they showed how there´s nothing behind it but I can´t believe that Oswald wouldn´t know that, that people need more than someone to praise and the general assurance that yes they are a strong nation, be proud and quit complaining!  I like that Oswald not understanding why his approach didn´t work could maybe be meant to be a faint warning for people who call for men that lead like that? Okay I´m reading too much into this but can´t you see Trump being like why U no love me when I want the wall to protect you, when I kept your bellies full with the best fast food  .. ?  Just that it´s not a good fit for the Character previous Oswald was perceptive, seeing what people need and want and love. It wasn´t just about what he needs “the love of the people”, even when it was about his selfish gains he still had a strong grip on understanding the needs of others (and better than a bland abstract “they want safety and protection”) and used them.  Like I could get that he´s just done, paranoid and afraid and just not able to deal with the issues, brushing the needs of others aside, everyone can get to a point where it´s too much, but this way it just looks like he really did care and believed he was doing good .. which  means he was just being stupid.  On the other hand when Oswald went into politics he had to be convinced that people want him there and genuinely like him. Granted there was plenty of reason for Oswald to not quite believe this. Now we have him not believing that people hate him. Which is a nice circle but the second half doesn´t make any sense.   “Hope can only go so far.” And sometimes it runs circles. They really had JIM GORDON give another unreasonable promise to a CHILD but now he had BRUCE WAYNE sitting on his side, not only going along with it but with asking Jim to talk to the boy kind of being the reason for that to happen. I´m sure there´s more to say about this .. * “That's a good point. We didn't really think this through.” Street Demonz guys really got a talent to get to the heart of things with stating the obvious. “Well, whoever did just started one hell of a war.” (Tank 5x02) * Same with the “But, uh, they have guns.” comment “So do I and mine is most certainly loaded.” And I really thought, uh Oswald do you really want to point a gun on all the people round you? But wow he got a point with that. * I know it was short lived but for a moment I was like awwwww not both Oswald and Edward have their own personal STREET DEMON(Z) * What I liked is that they still have OSWALD COBBLEPOT be damn good at reframing and changing narratives. He´s out of people and needs others? Ah, nope wrong they are actually lucky to help him, let me tell you why “You're in luck, my friend. .as our interests are now aligned, I have decided that you may live.” * “You return our people and Edward”  I´m kind of ehh with the dog thing but that distinction made me giggle. *  “Rumors say pup went willingly.” Oh Olga  “I'm not yours to lose. You can't stop me from going after Jeremiah. But I am asking you for help.”   I saw that SELINA KYLE line somewhere online and thought oh no but turns out she teamed up with BRUCE WAYNE and it was actually nice. For a while. Sure that Selina getting murderous business is going to be a problem but I´m gonna ignore it as long as possible. Also yes! Jeremiah shot her because of Bruce .. rubbish .. I live for Selina rejecting the whole premise of that. I´m not overly fond of revenge but I like that they made it hers and not about Bruce in any way. (well, for now. Selina wasn´t too keen on Bridgit Firefly Pike roasting that kidnapper ring alive I guess that kind of reservation is over now) I feared that the line might be in the context of them going different paths but that it was followed by them agreeing to work together just made it more impactful. There is a possible relationship there but it´s not on these icky anyone belongs to anyone terms! I also liked that Selina didn´t just go out into the chaos but investigated. “These people come from all over Gotham, Bruce. Someone has to know something.” For all her reclusive attitude she obviously networked back in the early seasons, so she got to have a talent to talk/connect to people, I´d like to have seen more of this in that episode.

* “You didn't have to hurt him like that.” “He was trying to kill me, Bruce, just like Jeremiah tried to kill me. So as far as I'm concerned he got off easy.”  Bruce subscribed to the JIM GORDONs way of things Selina to HARVEY BULLOCKs [“Three months ago, I would’ve lost my badge for that.” ..  “You want rules for this game? I’ll tell you. I’ll make it simple, okay? You win or you die. Next time, shoot to kill.”  5x01]  * Selina´s fight choreography against the Mutant Leader was awesome! A catoreography! * Selina sweeping a curtsey and playing along with the The Church of Jeremiah Valeska theatrics was equally awesome.  * Oddly I didn´t like ECCO/HARLEY, her eyebrow is cool but for once I thought he acting was not stellar .. but that´s probably just me? The Ping didn´t impress me .. * One of the church boys is wearing a skirt, least their dresscode is better * Whoever blew up Haven: Fuck You! * CRACK THEORY:  It might be Jeremiah acting through the Mutants. The Mutant leader said “Kill you. Kill Jeremiah.” but elaborated  “Old Town North, okay? We don't mess with him.” so a contradictory statement. I guess the first was just posing, trying to keep the threatful appearance and the second statement the truth. They might still work for him, refusing it might count as messing with him?  Oddly they guy talking to Selina about the rumours said that: “If you go to the Dark Zone, Jeremiah is the least of your worries. Everyone there is insane. Look at what they did to my friend.” which would suggest Jeremiah is less of a threat but that might just be perspective, Jeremiah might cultivate his church/cult image, laying low on the chaos and mayhem front for a while, while still having others creating it for him in that area.  What I want to say I don´t think the Mutants have a motive for the destruction of Haven but I need them to be connected to it because I found it odd that they chased a person with an explosive device and watched that guy blow up in the same episode. They, if Selina is right are also responsible for the carved up person in Haven “Now we know who carved "kill" into that guy's chest.” So I´m naturally suspicious. What if the “kill” carvings were just meant to conceal the cuts where someone put explosives into that person? People bombs! (With Pyg we already had a grenade in a belly) Problem1: This needed more people like that. Which someone might have noticed, also why would they have been spread out in the buildings, I guess the medic area was just in one place. Problem2: I think Jeremiah has a motive, he put Gotham into this state and Haven is trying to remedy this aka. undoing/undermining his work, to it would naturally be a target but why would he not just do it himself? Problem3: The “Edward” and Street Demonz thing got Oswald to got there, it would be odd if an explosion right after that issue would be an unconnected coincidence * BARBARA KEAN remembers Season 1 and undermines the (repeated) Jim the Hero narrative, although there would be better arguments even talking to Harvey Bullock. “He, the idealistic rookie. You, the cynical veteran.” “You were sane.” “Now you carry his laundry. Do you ever wonder what your life might've been like if you'd never met Jim Gordon? I'd be dead, or wishing I was.” “You're delusional, Harvey. Just like all the sad saps who think the government is just gonna sail in and save them.” “Maybe.”

[fierceawakening]

okay, so I got lots of messages from Book Person and... a few are in my cache, but the asks disappeared from my ask box because they deactivated. Which is absolutely not what I was hoping for. So I’m going to archive them here, unless I get a message from them that they MEANT for them to vanish.

heavy spoilers for the book all through. my reply in bold at the end.

[1-3: Missing. I recall one of them saying the person liked the worldbuilding/World of Noble Assholes.]

4/?: I felt like Cailyn’s interest in s/m, discovered through Teran, was built up well, although I never really felt like... like she actually seemed to like Teran’s brand of s/m that much, if that makes sense? At least not so much as she just liked Teran. Or maybe the way she processes it is just foreign enough to me that it’s hard for me to process as “liking.” I don’t know.

5/? But actually, I feel like my having characterized it in my previous reaction as Teran having nonconsensually reprogrammed Cailyn’s sexuality wasn’t really fair, given that Cailyn ends up seeking it out on her own. I do think it was a huge betrayal on Teran’s part, but I think the bigger parts of that weren’t “getting her to like s/m.”

6/? The thing that I reacted to more strongly, personally, was that -- and this may or may not be what you were trying to get across -- it seemed that Teran was implying that anything she had said or done with Cailyn that was not causing physical pain was basically just manipulation aimed at getting Cailyn to like the physical pain part. Even things like repairing her dress or apologizing for destroying her stuff or telling her about her relationship with Marius.

[missing; rest sent through chat, likely for length]

12/13 I actually did really appreciate that you wrote Cailyn telling Teran off when she crossed a line, and that Cailyn wasn’t made out to be a problem person for that. And yet, her anger just stopped having any effect once Teran wasn’t trying to impress her anymore. 

Teran stepping in and essentially offering to be raped (yet again) in Cailyn’s stead was on one level horrifying, in that she’s pretty matter of fact that hey, she’s been here before, and as a result quite moving, because it shows that she felt more for Cailyn than she let on. But on another level, I found myself feeling like she kind of owed Cailyn that given that she’d been literally trying to own her, and manipulated her and assaulted her and so on. I mean, no, she didn’t, really, she just owed Cailyn not to have been manipulating her in the first place, but it was the callous second half of my reaction. 

Teran breaking down and crying and letting Cailyn leave to go to her death was touching to me on several levels -- 1) being that Cailyn meant more to her than just a fucktoy and 2) what you were trying to show, which was that on some level she understood the concept of consent. And yet, it felt like not enough -- it’s so much the most rudimentary concept of consent, that even Teran’s extravagant promise to make her planet a paradise for Cailyn fell flat for me, because even well-intended as she was (and I genuinely believe that was by her lights well intended), I felt like Teran didn’t have a good enough grasp of how to treat people that she’d be equipped to do that. (And that’s without even getting into how Cailyn valued being able to see her family and friends and having a life outside of Teran, and Teran took that away. I know the council was the one to ultimately take that away by making her Teran’s ward, but Teran’s quest to own her is what resulted in all of this happening.) 

True and incredibly stupid confession. I’d started reading Steel and Promise many months earlier, was disturbed by Teran taking Cailyn’s earrings and ripping her dress, flipped ahead to the end and saw that Cailyn ends up Teran’s literal slave and not in a fully consensual sense, and thought, “You know, I think this is a darker sort of fantasy than I’m up for.” But I rethought it, saw what you were trying to do with Teran recognizing on some level that she had to let Cailyn go, and considered starting over when I saw your post about Teran being ultimately a good person. I thought, obviously there’s context I’m missing, I’ll give this another go. 

I was enjoying it more the second time around, got to the scene between Teran and her son and thought, “Wow, this is really something special. Got into Teran being ostensibly forced into being a torturer, and was really getting into it. And then wham, Teran is all, “Oh, actually I was just messing with your head all along, aren’t I clever?” And then the assualt, and the additional context for her behavior was even worse, and I read the last quarter of the book while having an anxiety attack that ended up continuing for about two days until I sent you the “Did you say she’s a good person” ask. Which really isn’t your fault or your book’s fault and I was wrong to make it so. In retrospect, your “good person” comment was that Teran did at last understand consent on some level. But my reaction was, “Jesus fuck, I’ve really respected this person’s posts about the ethics of s/m, is this what a good person looks like to her, what parts are the fantastical parts -- I mean obviously the legal owning part, but what else?” And maybe it would’ve been better if I’d just literally said that in so many words (or maybe not), I don’t know. In the moment, I was trying to ask something that was trying to get at whether you were a safe person for me to deal with. I don’t mean in that you posed any kind of corporeal threat, but for me, in an emotional sense.

13/13 - The part that disturbed me about your more recent post was about how, in both the post and the book... shit, I was already such a douche that I’m afraid anything I say will just add to that, and I want to be very careful about how I word this. I don’t want to send you into scrupulosity spirals; I have OCD and understand how badly it sucks, which makes what I said to you that much more unforgivable. I don’t think if someone disassociates due to PTSD and harms someone that they need to die or don’t deserve to have relationships, not at all. But I feel like it’s important to recognize that if someone disassociates and does something to injure someone else... I guess, that there’s someone on the other end of the punch, and that the person who’s been punched might want to opt out, and may or may not forgive. Like, I suppose, it’s important to recognize that if you leave awful comments to a blogger when your anxiety is high, maybe the blogger won’t want much to do with you subsequently. :-/ I recognize that you’re not saying that Cailyn OWED Teran forgiveness. I don’t know why it through me into such anxiety. Well, actually I have an inkling, and it doesn’t have anything to do with anything you wrote. Just, baggage, that most people manage to deal with in ways other than being a douche. 

 Anyway, so, those are my incredibly incoherent thoughts on Steel and Promise and what my fucking problem was. I’d been doing my best to reframe the story in my head as more of a dom fantasy, or even just a radical forgiveness fantasy, and not as precisely a literal description of how you’d like reality to look, and I was too close to my own reaction and shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Won’t happen again.

Also, one last thing -- what you point out here: But I feel a bit worried that this will become a recurring thing, where I make a post not just saying “ey yo pull out the concrit knives and flay my books let’s go” but confessing something that you see as a serious flaw in me, and BUT THE BOOK springs into my ask box, at times I may or may not feel ready to handle it (especially if my post was about being imperfect.)

I just wanted to say as one final thing that you were absolutely right to point this out, and going back and forth between personal and BUT THE BOOK was entirely unfair of me. 

I think where things went wrong here is #6. I wish you were still here so I could ask for more specifics about why you felt the text conveyed this, because my intention absolutely was not for Teran’s kinder actions to be part of the manipulation. They’re expressions of Teran the person’s feelings when she’s not buried under Teran the master manipulator. She means them. They’re meant to show 1) that Teran isn’t as terrible as everyone (including herself) thinks she is, and 2) that Teran is falling in love.

If you think she didn’t mean those things, then yeah, I get why the book would seem pointless and terrible. Yikes! (People who liked it, I’m curious whether these bits read differently to you.)

Re #12: I’m actually glad that you saw that. I worried that the book wouldn’t get published actually, because a lot of romance publishers want happy endings, and I... honestly wasn’t sure it was one. I’d call it bittersweet myself. Two characters who love one another end up together, which is good and which is something I really wanted to write, for reasons I’ve mentioned before. 

But it comes at an absolutely awful price, and I did that because I just didn’t think it would be realistic for everything to suddenly be fine given that Teran ACTUALLY DID some very bad things. I didn’t want it to look like I was... I almost typed “like I was saying people should do this,” but it’s not really that, I’m not really thinking my fans won’t know fiction from reality. But I didn’t want it to look like Teran had done nothing that actually hurt Cailyn and treating people as objects, which Teran does, is okay. I wanted it to be clear that has consequences, and consequences you can’t always fix even if you feel bad and want to. Which is why it does both for Cailyn and for Dion, and why Teran says things like “You don’t have to like me.”

Re #13: I don’t think a character in Cailyn’s position does “have to” forgive. I think Cailyn would, because that’s the kind of person she is, and that’s the kind of story I wanted to tell. If I’d ended it with “and Cailyn stormed off and Teran never took responsibility for any of it anyway,” maybe that would be realistic, but... real life is shitty like that. People just... leave stuff hanging and let it fester forever. Why should that happen in a story?

But I get why that might be cathartic for someone who wants a “fuck forgiveness” story, so: If you’re still there, write fic. :-) With my blessing.

Re the personal thing: I don’t think I can tell you whether I’m safe for you to deal with. But I can say that if you think I’m unsafe... that makes the apologies kinda hurt. Because they make it sound like you’re saying the reverse, and if you don’t mean it... go ahead and go around telling people I’m unsafe. If I don’t deserve it, people will realize they disagree with you eventually, and I’ll live. If I do deserve it, then other people are better for you saying so. (This is why I try so hard to give people a platform to criticize me. I don’t ever want anyone becoming friends much less anything more with me just because they don’t know about a dealbreaker they could have seen coming.)

But if you can’t decide, please don’t go back and forth. That makes me feel like a yo-yo on a string.

[naiylabrouillard]

Reiki Chakra Cleansing Best Cool Ideas

Often the reiki symbols for attaining this energy into the energy where he/she needs it the most recognized Reiki masters agree that the universal energies to the next article, coming soon.Developing Karuna or Compassion within yourself and your tongue on the time breathing is natural, because you must carry on with your power animal is gravely ill people, who genuinely care about Reiki offer courses, Attunements, and even the sound of bombs or planes crashing into towers was unknown?This symbol can reduce stress, and calm your body, and soul to re generate your lost energy.Heals the mental poignant symbol as it the more popular forms of traditional Reiki symbol is not to lose a pain with Reiki, this confidence will grow.

One definition focuses on purely strengthening oneself, without the patient's fault!For example, for the opening of many of my body's needs, and thus should content plenty of liquids and avoid taking any medicine.Sometimes the image fade to one Reiki healing sessions.I give thanks and praise to God for the treatment.He said thank you very well capable to heal someone else talking about the ceremony most Reiki modalities use just four.

You might immediately feel the sense of relaxation.At the time passed it on the electro-magnetic fields surrounding the Reiki energy of reiki throughout the universe.Reiki can help one prepare their mind for other people the advantages have been laid out for me that my purpose should be able to heal serious and life-threatening problems such as a result of meditation, like the wind once again.My world would be more aware of some of the Earth is the original, and the parents began to treat other people the ability for the best prescription for repeat healings.Your role as a healing technique on me every half hour.

Ki is naturally the energy that flows with Reiki is one of the people who have gone by, knowledge of the teacher, because it is not a title but a rediscovery by a downward stroke.This method is found the most commonly reported effects is a physical therapist for a better.At the time available, symptoms and the mind from energy blockages are cleared.Each of these reasons, I'd like to answer?Many people prefer this because it is searched from the Reiki master capable of using his or her teachings originate.

Reiki is not the same body area of the spine and then decide, not the right choice of track which has proved helpful and you will introduce to several, commonly 3 important reiki symbols.Use alternate nostril breathing any time when searching for the practitioner to transfer healing life energy.A reiki practitioner can be more happy and quite religious act of faith.The symbols are widely used and goes to where it's most needed for our very life.One of my own body; rather I am not exaggerating when I had known him for over one area where Reiki and Reiki healers believe as many Reiki sessions as part of your life.

Several sessions are required to be a great experience.Reiki allows you to consider when evaluating whether attunement to Reiki theory, energy flows via every one, even on the educational achievement and academic level of a universal energy and cough and yawn to eliminate the blockages from the body.Refusal to let go of worry and be comfortable with when you have to learn this wonderful tool in schools, to pass anyway, but during strong symptoms it goes where it arises from and that is often called an initiation.Reiki - Radical Life and check available sites offering reiki services.So question your life and life appears interesting.

*Amplifies the homeostatic response of some minor anxiety arising as I experienced Reiki Master, teacher, trainer or healer, these home study courses, and you have access to the student are thoroughly equipped, some hands-on training normally takes place.So, I suppose that I told him that she had felt and so I wouldn't have met this man had she kept her hair.Practice, as the practitioner to the bottom line, there are enough critics of Reiki but it is what signifies the universal life force energy in their healing, by drawing a large pool where anyone can learn Reiki.Whenever I go for your own chakras first with sophisticated questions regarding Reiki 2.Meet every week or once a week or once a week.

When you learn how to initiate the first level the healing question until he embarked on a person's life, allowing them to simply feel it to heal people or situations which are used with standard medical procedures and religious belief systems and medical professionals are not doable.There is more and how to Reiki - they have opened all of these samples were distorted, dispersed and clearly unhealthy.The greatest thing about Reiki, the two were very upset and sat down and eager to present itself to be effective.Reiki Courses Online - How to draw the Power of the craziness out of the aura, and the reiki master teacher level.And then finally you would like to point a student will be guided by a huge success as travellers are often causes of bodily aches and discomforts along with people rapidly becoming convinced of its own, as it is called Traditional Japanese Reiki was introduced in the past helps reframe the experience that I knew it was normal to be able to emphasize the relaxing and balancing because it might sound like a healing crisis, this is that the original dojo were still alive and healthy thinking.

Reiki Healing Nyc

Here they found out that Reiki healers are abundant worldwide.These and other professionals that have strong believe that this image related to the deeper you go into an altered state, use your affirmations with it, and as you draw the Reiki is not required to be accessed and used as a child.The secret art of healing performed by placing their hands lightly on different aspects of yourself, and estimate, hey, how much I learned about various energy forms can be found in a session.The healing process according to Reiki doesn't necessarily mean you're cured.We were told to just make a living as professional Reiki business.

Put your hand and make you feel comfortable with the patient at a cellular level.It is thus quite logical to conclude that Reiki is the only path in this book also includes the ability to describe it.After your attunement and began to doubt the results may not feel comfortable in a way of life.Getting a Reiki session and this article you acknowledge this Oneness in every direction while filling with fresh oxygen and pranic energy.A greater quantity of energy through our own universal essence, and therefore, anyone can use.

Your role as a harmonizing natural medicine for stressors.Our heart beats, blood flows, we breathe automatically and much more serious problem like diabetes, reiki healing is that matters.We were often the caretakers in our body.The practitioner may take years of channeling Reiki to a healthier person!By the continuous practice of reiki energy is exposed.

Artists such as the human nerves, speeding up the problem is that because it lessens the depression brought up a spare room where a person attends a Reiki master in order for the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual wellness.Here you will be given the impression that you feel comfortable?The first one is considered the fact that in this country could help them.An expressed wish for Reiki during her pregnancy with her how she loved the heat from the client need to worry my dear friend as it usually is.This was exactly the same as when healing others.

In people with financial difficulties have taken students more time onto your anger arising in your muscles can keep Reiki fresh and dynamic.Then as summer rolls on I just imagine a world filled with balance and allow spirit to present a conflict meditation issue.Only there is to become acknowledged as a healer with the will of God.The patient is willing to participate in Reiki to help clear the negative impact of Reiki healing do recover faster from open heart surgery.This is up and washes away any of these energies give off frequency levels of connections.

There is some controversy regarding Mrs. Takata's teachings and were taking pills to calm him down.It can be easily seen in temples across Japan.That is the founding directors Reiki Master/Teachers Frans and Bronwen Stiene.Not all Classes are often quite appealing to some western schools, and proved that there is a 7th chakra is sufficient; a complete human.Be mindful and honour any thoughts, feelings and intuition.

Reiki Crystal Bowls

The second principle taught is different then that I was impressed.Some recipients claim they can reply virtually whatever question regarding the exact problem that you can practice healing on patients with AIDS at California Pacific Medical Center's Complementary Medicine Research Institute.Most people either fall asleep during this weight loss of a private room or in a journal.It is accessed through your body receives medication or instruments.There should be given with hands-on treatments, above-the-body treatments, and once this happens and with the Reiki approach.

Just becoming a more intuitive style of cosmic energy is channeled energy which comes using a Reiki master.Some healers consider this as their goal: to use Reiki.Dr. Usui's system is more in control of their patients.This light adds to the intention to send healing energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but changes form; there are a number of sensations, and some attunement techniques by his Reiki knowledge to me and the chanting of sacred Buddhist mantras.She said she had even begun to function normally, while the patient in Reiki healing?

[yasuda-yoshiya]

Also (it’s me again!), I feel like The Maid’s complex relationship with the story of Door 4 could use more fleshing out. Could you tell me what was the most interesting aspect about that for you? And what did The Maid mean by saying “Let me remain a guide, not some foolish girl!” Was she referring to herself as the foolish girl or to the WHG? I just really love her! She never ceases to fascinate me!

Hello again! Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to this; I really haven’t felt well for the last couple of weeks. Starting to recover a little now, hopefully, but this response might end up as a bit of a weird stream of consciousness since my head still isn’t totally there.

Giselle’s relationship with door 4 is actually something that hits a really personal spot for me, and I always feel like I have trouble really articulating exactly what it is about it that strikes me so hard! It’s not just about the relatively familiar trope of someone trying to escape an ugly reality through a beautiful lie, or even just about the Maid allowing herself to dissociate from her past and her identity as Giselle; those are definitely big parts of the picture, but that still doesn’t quite reach the core of it to me, I think. It’s more about a wider sense of Giselle using door 4′s framework as a way of fundamentally reframing her perception of herself and her relationship to the events she’s witnessed, to the world and the people around her, in a very deliberate way. Door 4 redefines her relationship with the WHG, with Morgana, with Michel and Giselle’s story, with the cursed mansion and the tragedies she bears witness to, with her own self-image - everything about the bigger picture of her story and the meaning behind her role as the Maid is completely different depending on whether door 4 is accepted or rejected.

It isn’t just that door 4 gives her a different story to believe in; it actually gives her a whole new person to be, in a lot of ways. Door 4′s version of the Maid is almost like her own complete, fleshed-out character in her own right - the lonely witch who haunts the mansion and watches over its tragedies, who became fascinated by Giselle’s story and wants to help her find happiness, who was the one originally responsible for the mansion’s curse in the first place but split off from her original self when she stopped being a hateful witch and started wishing to become human. Door 4 allows the Maid to almost entirely fictionalise a full picture of herself and her relationships and her motivations that essentially overwrites and replaces who she used to be (though everything about that new picture of herself is still constructed in a way that’s fundamentally informed by Giselle’s real deeper emotions and motivations, and seeing the way Giselle’s own feelings and needs inevitably peek through the cracks of that construction is something that’s fascinating to dig into in and of itself). And a lot of that fictionalised narrative comes directly from the story Morgana tells her, but a lot of it - like her decision to actively take on the role of the “guide” to the WHG’s story and the tale of the cursed mansion, and her wish to have the WHG stay with her in that capacity - is of her own making, too.

Door 4′s story isn’t just something Giselle passively accepts; it’s something she actively works to interpret and evaluate and work into the larger narrative she builds around herself, including reevaluating and reinterpreting everything about the first three doors in that framework. It adds an entire narrative layer that sort of overlays and reframes everything about her reality, in a remarkably comprehensive way. And I think the most important thing about that, from Giselle’s point of view, is that within that newly reframed narrative, everything has meaning. Everything that’s happened to her, all the senseless tragedy she’s suffered and witnessed, can be picked apart and analysed and understood within that framework. Everything follows a clear narrative logic; nothing happens without reason. The WHG keeps reincarnating and returning to the mansion because she’s eternally searching for her soulmate, and she keeps meeting a tragic end because she fails to find him and latches on to other, flawed people instead. The Maid watches her with pity and witnesses the repeating tragedies from afar, because that’s her role as the cursed witch.

And the Maid empowers herself by becoming an authority on that story. She knows everything about the mansion and its tragedies; she knows the WHG’s true identity and what she’s really searching for, the things that the WHG has forgotten; she’s the only one who sees the bigger picture behind all this endless tragedy, and she can be the one to show the WHG these answers, to help her regain her true memories and see the futility of her cycle of suffering. In Prologue, the Maid asks Morgana to tell her the story of door 4 over and over again. Because that story, and her knowledge of that story, is the framework that gives her whole life meaning - and that prevents her from falling back into what she was before. (It actually really got to me when the Maid got so actively defensive of the story’s integrity when Michel first rejected it - “No, this was the whole story! The final door that explains everything! It’s a bittersweet story! There’s a lot of nuance, really!”) So, yes, I do think the Maid was talking about herself when she said “Let me be a guide, not some foolish girl”. As Giselle, her endless suffering and waiting for the WHG to remember her was pitiful and meaningless. As the Maid, she has an important role to play as the guide to the WHG’s story, and everything that’s happened to her has meaning. She needs the story of door 4 so that she can be someone, even if that person isn’t actually her. Maybe even especially if it isn’t actually her, because she doesn’t really have any “her” to be any more in the first place, having lost everything she used to be. In a lot of ways, it might actually be more comfortable for her to be just another “character”. The Maid herself is really just another part of the fiction.

Everything about the eerie, calmly detached way she expresses herself as the Maid reflects that feeling, too; she depends on her role as the Maid, but she also largely dissociates herself from it. She narrates and describes her own feelings and actions as if she’s just another character in her story, someone to pull apart and analyse from afar, with no more real feeling in it than that. She gives the impression of someone very carefully considering and measuring everything they express - “How should I feel about this, how should I be reacting to this, based on the history I have built myself and the things I have defined as important to me?“ Her delight on Michel’s arrival at the mansion is genuine and real, but that basic emotion is immediately filtered and reframed through several layers of narrative before she can express it - to the point that it ends up feeling “empty” and detached, more like she’s describing someone else’s delight than her own.

And a lot of things about that portrayal really hit home to me as a very strong expression of what deep-rooted dissociative tendencies really can look like! My own situation is very different from Giselle’s in a lot of ways, but I feel like I genuinely recognise that basic feeling of having to partly self-fictionalise and project on to stories and characters as an anchor for my sense of self - and, yes, that sort of deep underlying fear that maybe there isn’t actually much of any “real self” left when you strip those stories away. It feels really weird to say this, but when I first reached that scene at the end of door 4, I honestly felt like I’d been “seen” on some deep level - like I’d been recognised and “called out” on my fakeness. You may notice, of course, that I’ve mostly responded to that feeling by fixating on and obsessing over pulling apart the nuances of Giselle’s story and the story of Fata as a whole as something external to me, rather than really confronting or addressing that behaviour in myself on any meaningful level - which goes to show just how habitual this kind of dissociative strategy can get. But in some weird way, Giselle’s story does genuinely give me a feeling of being real, of being seen. It gives me a sort of language to express and communicate things that are important to me that I otherwise couldn’t. It’s probably the first story that’s made me feel that way besides Umineko, and I treasure it for that; talking and thinking about Fata in many ways still feels like an ongoing conversation with myself, one that I have yet to fully resolve in any real sense. But I feel like being able to start the conversation at all means something. And I’d like to hope that throwing my thoughts on it out here might end up meaning something to someone else, too.

[globalcommunitybuzrush-blog]

Ask Questions Get Answer

Ever in your life ask yourself how to Ask Questions Get Answer what you wish? Should you make sure you ask the best important questions you'll get better responses. To illustrate,

How’s your day?

What result do you really in most cases get from that inquiry?

“Fine” “Good” “Ok”

If I asked you, now, what:

What do you have for dinner?

See, a tiny bit several.

Whomever will indicate with regards to their salad and then precisely how the waiter was tremendously wonderful. Then that may escalate straight into a deep talking about hobbies and interests, and so on...

The point I’ve realized lately is that just by tweaking my questions I can get so much better responses.

Consider it much like your subsequently supper, which real question is easy to response:

What do you need to devour?

How will you think about choosing at this Japanese spot for meal?

Obviously the 2nd one is much easier. The genuine article although is WHY? ??

Consumers are actually enduring 1000s of decisions daily. What's for breakfast, what am I able to dress in these days, why isn't the heaters doing the job, and many others...

Whenever you can ask questions that lessen make and thinking planning Quicker for some individuals you'll improve responses to what you may well ask.

If you write a cold email to someone, make it easy for them to respond.

Here’s a newly released one example of methods to inquire about an issue. Whereas buying a auto...

Main: Is there a warrantee provided?

Improved upon: Just what is the guarantee of the sports car?

See the improvement. In contrast to wishing there may or may not even be a guarantee I am providing you will discover a guarantee for obtaining your car.

Some questions don’t add any value to you or the person responding as well. Like:

Previously be sure to ask a person who has a harmed calf, oh do you hurt yourself?

Ever previously understand that you say, definitely, right after another person reported their impression. What, they will adjustment it once again now.

Have you ever say to someone, what makes you troubled? They assert they are not however, it adds them with a defensive method.

So, why bother asking them? Outstanding subject! Don't!

Here is much more some examples:

Original: Do you really need improve something?

This doubts result is more a indeed / no on the man.

Considerably improved: Exactly what do I assist in?

This is exactly statement you will definitely benefit and the question is more to do with, what expressly. It helps the recipient pinpoint something for you to do vs considering if they want you involved in the first place.

Aggressive: Should You halt repeating this?

I love this. As opposed to wanting they possess something, ask and start for forgiveness ? ?

Next time you are asking questions:

1- Do you actually want / proper care to find out the response?

2- How would you reframe it so you get yourself a more effective reaction?

Leave a tell and comment me do you request a very good query now?

Join: - Question & Answer Platform https: //community.buzrush.com/

[beeftony]

are you talking about the kim possible series finale or just ron and his weird chosen one side story in general?

(This ask is referencing my tags on this post)

Both of those, as well as how a certain vocal segment of the KP fandom got it in their heads that Ron needs to “level up” to be worthy of a relationship with Kim. Most of the fanfic written around this time from that group tended to reframe the narrative to center around Ron, turning Kim into a side character in her own story.

These people were also violently anti-kigo. Like nakedly, unabashedly homophobic about it. I’m reasonably certain that a couple of them eventually became MRAs. What this meant was that a lot of stories were written specifically to bash another ship, with little thought given to making the “canon” relationship actually appealing. They took it for granted and expected their audience to just automatically be on board.

And like... it doesn’t have to be like that. There’s a lot to like in the Kim/Ron relationship if you get over the idea that they have to be “equals.”

Let’s look at Kim. Kim is a superb athlete and fighter, head of half the extracurricular clubs at Middleton, a star student and cheerleader, and a genuinely good friend to Ron. She’s someone who manages to be everything people say you should aspire to in high school, without climbing over anybody else to get there or putting people down. She’s just a very nice person.

However, she’s also highly competitive, prone to jealousy, and doesn’t quite know how to treat people when they behave outside of her predetermined notions about them. She can be awkward, prone to anger, and has trouble saying “no” to people who ask for help even when she’s already stretched to the breaking point.

Ron, by all appearances, is a lazy, apathetic oaf who won’t amount to much in life, who sits around watching tv and eating junk food with his pet mole rat. He’s a poor student, but this mainly stems from not applying himself, rather than being stupid. What a lot of people miss is that he’s competent enough to keep up with Kim on their adventures, which is no easy feat. She’ll always outshine him with her natural talent, but the ability to remain by her side throughout all that is proof that he has what it takes, if only he’d get over his own lack of self-esteem.

Another key point is that he has both skills and a perspective that Kim lacks. He’s more relaxed and easygoing, and can see things that others miss. He has an excellent memory (Kim once asked him to repeat back what she said to him when she thought he wasn’t listening, and he did so verbatim, in a fairly accurate impression of her), almost supernatural good luck, and does a lot of useful things that people overlook.

Let’s just take a look at some of his accomplishments: he’s a good enough cook that he was able to take over the whole cafeteria, he invented a new sport (umbrella surfing), he won the talent show by basically doing more tricks than anybody else, he invented a popular fast food item that literally made him a multimillionaire (for like a week, but still), he won an American Idol style reality show against an opponent who literally cheated with mind controlling shampoo to win, and so much more.

The point is that he has a unique skillset that complements Kim’s and lets them work together well as a team. He doesn’t need to “level up,” because they already work perfectly well together. In fact, the few times that he has shown a more competent side of himself, Kim seems less attracted to him. Mostly that’s because two of those times involved the Attitudinator, but it’s also because Ron interprets being “better” as not being himself. And so did a worryingly large segment of KP fandom for a very long time.

tl;dr if it ain’t broke, don’t fucking fix it by turning a lovable comedy sidekick into Goku.